adoption incentive

[merranda]

why as mothers are we not looking into the goverment tearing familys apart for money

[Joanne]

I'm not sure what you're getting at.

I adopted three children that sat in foster care for FOUR YEARS. There was no rush of people trying to adopt them for money. I adopted them after they were physically, emotionally, mentally and sexually abused by their biological family for YEARS while the courts gave them (mother, father, uncle and grandparents) chance after chance after chance to be take care of these these kids. Every time they were abused, the state would remove them for a short time while the "parents" did the minimum amount of work to get them back. That happened about 7-8 times over the course of six years. My oldest has permanent brain damage from his biological mother from the last time they were returned home.

The only person who tore that family apart was the "parents". I also blame the state for not removing them permanently after the first year.

[merranda]

I never said or would say that children services doesn't have its place.My cousin was killed in an accident and her baby was beat by his biological father.Thank god my aunt my marriage now has him and his brother.Oh by the way I fought to get him out because they sent him back and within 12 hrs of his return had cigerette burns where they should not be.But what I am talking about is a system that takes babies and just puts them into homes.My sons law guardian has found that good parents are being stipped of infants while older children who already have "issues" they don't place in proper homes.I am very happy to hear that your children found you.I honestly am but mine where born with a biological problem that is causing behavior issues.At this point I have a therapist in 4 days a week for 3 out of 4 of my children and for first time in my life I heard the words "this is not your fault"

[Joanne]

I just read your blog post after I posted below and while I'm sorry that you're going through this, child abuse is a real problem. My kids remember being left alone, being touched sexually and being hit. My son remember having his head slammed into the floor and being kicked.

On the flip side, DCF does make mistakes and if that's what is happening to you, you have my sympathy.

Believe it or not, I have been on the other end as well. Without getting into details, soon after we adopted my kids, my oldest recreated some of the abuse done to him onto my youngest child and DCF stepped in. It was a nightmare and I had to hire a lawyer.

[merranda]

I am very glad that your son has you.children services has its place and I would never say it doesn't.I can tell you awful stories about when they should of stepped in but didn't.I had a boy with a spiral fracture at 4 because he went potty without asking.I took care of him for 2 years.I have a photo album of children and no I was never a foster parent I kept them out of care.I loved what I did.Well after 5 years of being blamed and even being found guily of neglect I finally heard the words"this is not your fault".it is however too late to undo the damage done to my kids.I have a therapist that comes in at least 4 days a week to work with my family and he says it is biological.Not sure what yet but something they were born with and in the meen time I had been told it had to be something I did.and even after all that I had been told at the time sighn off on the 2 yr old and we will give you back the 8 yr old and when they found out I was pregnant they said sighn off on baby and you can have the others both back.Thank god I fought because she was born with the same issues and now I have a wonderful family .That may not make sence but my children are wonderful,intelligent,and beautiful just hard to handle.they have no inhibitions no fear that most all kids are born with.